


tears aren't quiet things (they scream)

by maleclipse



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03ep17 Heavenly Fire, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-11 23:11:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18434072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleclipse/pseuds/maleclipse
Summary: “I'll be right back,” Alec repeated and Magnus only closed his eyes.He didn't deserve Alexander Lightwood.(3x17.)





	tears aren't quiet things (they scream)

**Author's Note:**

> magnus bane deserves nice things. 
> 
> author needs sleep. 
> 
> title from scream by sergey lazarev. more esc songs. yay.

_“Just let me be here with you!”_

It's the most simple thing to say, but it's also what made Magnus finally break into sobs.

He couldn't remember when was the last time he'd let himself cry in front of people. Magnus always thought it repulsed them, made him weak. Alec, however, was just hugging him tighter.

“ _Please_ ,” Alec was whispering, over and over again. _Please, Magnus, I love you. Don't push me away._ He didn't need to say all that - Magnus understood.

Every tear dropping on Alec's black jacket reminded Magnus of his weaknesses. Every tear running down his face screamed for help. _Help me, Alexander, make it okay._

They understood each other perfectly, even without words. Alec not letting go and Magnus leaning on Alec, not trusting his legs to carry him.

“I'm sor-,” Magnus gasped, “ _I'm sorry._ ” It came out as a sob. Alec's fingers brushed rougher, but still ridiculously gently against his shoulder. He knew just how to make Magnus feel loved, even when he had never seen him like that before.

Alec was silent for a long time, letting Magnus cry it all out. He didn’t try to move, he didn't ask, he didn't try to say it would be all alright, he didn't _leave._ Tears had dried on Magnus’ skin, probably leaving long strains of eyeliner behind. 

If he had magic, he could've fixed it without problem.

If he had magic-

“Magnus?” Alexander's voice was weak and careful, lips brushing against his ear, “we should go to bed.”

Magnus didn't say anything, but slowly stepped away and gave a slight nod. Alec watched him cautiously before wrapping his hand around his waist and gently guided them through the silent halls.

Alec helped Magnus to bed, gently wiped his makeup off and, oh how much Magnus appreciated it. No one never took care of him and there Alec was, doing it without being asked.

(Not that Magnus would ever ask.)

Magnus wanted to say _thank you, thank you for being here for me_. He didn't trust his voice and Alec seemed to understand.

There was a knock on the door.

“I'll be right back,” Alec whispered and laid a pair of sweatpants and one of his t-shirts on the bed next to Magnus, “are you okay to change for yourself?”

Magnus wasn't. He shook his head.

“Okay,” if Alec was worried, it didn't show in his voice and Magnus was thankful for that, “it'll be just a moment.”

Magnus sighed thankfully, when Alec brushed his lips against his forehead. “I'll be right back,” he repeated and Magnus only closed his eyes.

He didn't deserve Alexander Lightwood.

When Alec opened the door, Magnus could hear Jace's faint voice asking, “ _is everything alright? You don't feel alright_.” For a moment, Magnus felt guilty. If Jace could feel Alec not being okay, Alec definitely wasn't okay. He didn't hear Alec's answer as the door closed and left Magnus alone in the darkened room.

There was no memory of falling asleep or Alec coming back to the room, but a slight nudge on his shoulder told Magnus it had happened.

Alec was hovering above him, brushing his fingers against Magnus’ cheek. “Hey, babe, you'll need to change,” he was whispering, “I'm so sorry I had to wake you up.”

Alec had already changed himself, so Magnus must've been out longer than he expected. He had a massive headache and he felt terrible - how did mundanes do this?

“Okay,” Magnus said quietly.

Alec smiled brightly.

“He speaks,” he joked, “I brought you a glass of water. And painkillers. But clothes first, come on.”

Alec's voice was familiar and soothing and Magnus felt his eyes slip back closed. Alec placed a kiss on his cheek, “I know you're tired, but you'll thank me in the morning. Come on.”

And so Magnus forced himself in a sitting position, let Alec slowly help him undress and change to the clothes laid down for him. There was nothing sexual about it, only Alec's gentle and careful touches to make Magnus feel as comfortable as possible.

“There you go,” Alec whispered when Magnus had finished with the water, “now you can go back to sleep.”

Alec looked slightly uncertain, placing the duvet around them both but still staying on his own side.

“Will you stay?” Magnus asked silently.

Alec nodded. “Of course. Do you need something else?”

Magnus breathed deep and then settled himself closer to the shadowhunter. “Can you hold me?” he whispered.

Alec nodded again and wrapped his arms around Magnus. Magnus felt every bit of stiffness leaving his body and just relaxed against Alec.

“I love you,” Alec mumbled on his hair. His voice was broken, but the words still spoke the truth. 

“Love you, too,” Magnus said back, then quietly added, “thank you.”  _Thank you for not letting me push you away. Thank you for loving me._

“Always.”

There was a smile on Magnus’ lips when he fell asleep. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

**Author's Note:**

> i was supposed to write fluff. this was not it. fuck. 
> 
> i very much appreciate every kudos and comment you're willing to give!! you can also find me on [tumblr](https://eclipseben.tumblr.com/)


End file.
